We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
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