he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
