I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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