Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
God, I missed his penis.
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