I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize