No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
