I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
