she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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