it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
