I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
