I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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