now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
