HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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