I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
