I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
