too bad you live with your parents still
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
