Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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