life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
