Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
