Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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