Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
