The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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