A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
