Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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