you're like a bully in the Christmas story
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
