I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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