i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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