Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
