ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
