Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
