well I can't set my house on fire every night
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
