Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
