Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
