Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize