If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
