dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
