All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
