he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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