Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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