I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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