he shaved USA in his pubs
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
