I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize