break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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