Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
