I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
