You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
