i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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