I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize