Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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