So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
