Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
pray to the hookup gods
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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