I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I skipped work to stalk him.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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