Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
