She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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