I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
COCAINE IS GR8
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
