I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
