drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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