So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
