Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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