We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We left the knife in your bed.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
