Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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