Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
