That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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