There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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