Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
