I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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