We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
