i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
