im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
