At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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