i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
