went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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