Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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